“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Do you ever wake up with the realization of how short life is? When our lives moved at a much slower pace I feel like I paused a lot more often and thought about this reality. But over the last couple of weeks I have really been thinking about what a vapor life is and how important it is to me to make my short stay here on this earth count.
I am blown away with how fast life changes! I’m 33 years old, and Danny and I have seven kids! That’s an average of a child every other year since I was 20! Crazy stuff!
It still feels like yesterday that I was a 15-year-old broken girl, running home to Jesus and surrendering everything at his feet.
It feels like moments ago that I was walking down the aisle to marry Danny and we were starting our life together.
And it seriously feels like seconds ago that I was staying up late at night rocking my baby Josiah to sleep and singing songs about farm animals to him.
Sometimes the years go by so much faster than I’d prefer. My Josiah looks more teen than boy these days, and a few of his brothers and one sister are trailing right behind him. Sometimes I wish I could shrink them all down to baby-size for one more day- in hopes that I could try harder to memorize their sweet expressions while they slept. Just one more day and maybe I’d remember more clearly what their little fuzzy, baby heads used to look like.
But alas, life doesn’t work that way. We’ve traveled a lot of miles since those early days I spent rocking the night away in the cornflower blue recliner, soothing a cranky baby. Our lives, as much as we determine to remember and cling to every stage and phase, still slip between our fingers like tiny grains of sand.
Perhaps I’m just having a moment of frantically trying to gather up the little pieces because I realize how quickly it is all shifting- and I’m afraid I won’t remember all of the precious scenes of funny dances, late night conversations and clever words, and “I love yous” and deep belly laughs. Rocking babies and piggy back rides.
Because- when the day is done, it just can’t be regathered.
We never could have dreamed life would be like it is, right now. The things I’ve seen God do over the last five years have changed me. I’m just not the same person, wife, or mama I once was. The late nights have changed me. The standing in some storms has changed me. I have some crevices between my eyes that concealer just won’t conceal anymore. But behind those crevices that have appeared in a spance of a mere 13 years or so, I’ve seen more miracles than I can count.
That’s truly what I want to see in my memories. I want to look behind and see the line markers on the timeline of my life, marked with the impossible made possible by the power of God. And truly, from where I stand, when I look behind me now I see a steady and straight line of His unending faithfulness.
I pray with each new beckon of the Holy Spirit, for our family to step out in obedience toward whatever adventure God calls us to, we’ll weigh our short lives to God’s vast eternity. I pray that He will give us the wisdom to know how to make a little eternal dent in each short day. An impact that will outlive and outlast any of our own temporal efforts. Life is so short. I just want to make mine count.