It arrived today at about 11:30am; the email letting us know how the meeting went yesterday. The first line read, “It’s not good news,” and the report went on from there. Our representatives met with the authority over adoptions and she basically told them that it was settled. Next week the children we have been fighting for, praying for, preparing for, advocating for, and believing for since last November…would be assigned to the Peruvian couple who we had been informed about in the last month or so.
I was numb. I have no other words. It didn’t seem real. Still doesn’t. I called our agency hoping for any details about the meeting but there weren’t many details to give. The same person who’s said several times that these children would be placed in our family, now says that they will not. Even though no one else wanted them when we began, even though we’ve done everything requested of us.
Next week is consejo. The director of adoptions says that the two children who we have counted in our family for nearly a year, will be placed in another family. According to them, it is settled, and it is final. Our dossier is several weeks away from being finished with reviewal. I’m not even sure the review has started yet. I’m not sure if they’ve read our letter of request (our heart on paper), if they’ve read Ellie’s best friend’s (who was adopted by my firend!)letter that was included in our dossier. I am not sure they’ve watched the video we made especially for Ellie and Micheal to show them how long we’ve been striving to get to them. Not sure.
According to human standards, the hope of bringing home Ellie and Micheal is finished. We do life a little bit different in our home, though. It may seem foolish to others, but it’s our core, and it’s faith to us. I’ve been asked several times and even since this news, “What happens now? What will you do if some miracle doesn’t happen in the next week or soon after? Will you pursue other children?”
We put all of our eggs in one basket. We didn’t leave room for if. I haven’t spent any portion of this process feeling confused about God’s will. We have fully believed that God directed us forward to these kids. I haven’t felt pulled by my own will. I can say that with complete honesty. I never planned or believed that we would pursue older child adoption until the Lord began convicting us both strongly that we should open our hearts toward it. I’ve never felt like I was trying to convince the Lord of what I wanted, but rather seen door after door and confirmation after confirmation leading us directly where we are right now. So I don’t have brain space for if. I’ve done everything in my human strength to be obedient to the Living God and I will not stop now.
I wish I had some humanly hopeful ideas to list of what might could happen and how God might bring about some deliverance. I wish I could tell you that there was another meeting planned, one last hope…anything…but I cannot. The date is set for the two children I have counted as my own son and daughter to be placed with another family.
The Living God doesn’t need my ideas. He doesn’t need me to understand. He just calls me to believe. So what may seem foolish to mankind- what has been pronounced as a verdict and an end by humans, does not mean it’s the end. It is only final when He says it is. It’s not over until He says it’s over. So now we will do battle on our knees, further. We cannot do anything at all in our own physical strength. If I thought getting on the next plane to Peru and being there in person to plead my case would help, that’s exactly where I’d be. But there’s nothing else we can do in our power. Now we will declare His word, further. Now we will trust Him further. Now we will believe Him further. Period.
Early this morning when Danny woke up, he felt compelled to begin memorizing this scripture:
So do not throw away your confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.
Amazing how God works. He is worthy of my praise and the One I will trust until my dying day. There’s no news that will ever change that. We will stand on the above scriptures. We will not throw away our confident trust.